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Porky's Hole Thoughts: Porky's Fun

By Howard "Porky" Cutter MGWC
September 1, 2011

Most people know that, even at my age, I like to have fun. However, having fun for me today sometimes is limited to instigating others.

I found a fun toy on the Internet called EvilTron. It’s a small electronic devise that makes five creepy audible sounds that barely can be heard (except by some folks like myself). These sounds consist of something unsettling creaking, unidentifiable scratching sounds, gasping last breath, sinister child laughing, an eerie “Hey, can you hear me?” whispering; there’s also a random mode.

Since the human mind can play devious tricks on itself, especially when given a small amount of outside stimuli to work with, your thoughts easily can lead you into a maze of paranoia, and put you into a very uncomfortable state of heightened awareness. That odd noise that just came from somewhere really can stir your thoughts, some resembling childhood nightmares.

This fiendishly small device of six creepy sound choices is perfect for frightening your friends and co-workers. You simply choose your favorite sound (or use the random mode), place it in a dark hiding spot and watch the madness begin. It’s perfect for putting it in someone’s dorm, office, home or car. It gets them every time. The battery lasts about a month of continuous use, and it has a magnet for easy hiding.

I ordered five of the EvilTrons, and gave or mailed them to friends. The first one I mailed to Cary at Cycle Stop Valves. I didn’t tell him where to place it, but I knew that he would choose a good place. A few hours later, the president slammed the EvilTron on Cary’s desk, knowing that only he would be devious enough and have guts enough to place it in the president’s office. Cary gave up the instigator, and shortly afterward, I received an email from Karen, stating, “You guys are in trouble,” and “Porky, I didn’t know that you were so devious!” That was fun, and I think Cary and I still have our jobs?

Next, I sent one to a friend at another drilling publication, and my friend and the president of the publication hid it in the employees’ office. It drove them bonkers for hours, trying to locate that weird noise.

Later, I gave one to a consultant friend at our cellular phone provider. She advised me that she placed it in her friends’ room, and it drove them out of their minds before they finally found it.

I gave another one to my hearing-aid provider, and she placed it in her mother’s home. It drove her mother crazy until her mother located it.

I gave two friends at the New England Water Well Exposition EvilTrons, but I have not received a report from them yet. Perhaps they will update me with their stories at the New England Water Well Exposition in 2012.

I wanted to place one in my home to aggravate my wife, Bess, but I like my living with a peaceful woman, and I’m sure it wouldn’t be peaceful while she was looking for that weird sound – nor probably for some time after she found it and found out that I placed it there. Besides, psychics know everything! I enjoy having clean fun at others’ expense – and living with Bess. 
ND

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Howard "Porky" Cutter, MGWC, is a regular contributor to The Driller. For more Porky columns, visit www.thedriller.com/porky.

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